It's time to go

 I tried this once in 2017 and I recognize that the reason I could not successfully go through with whT i planned for a long time, I became weak. I wanted the last second of attention so I talked to someone after having consumed all the pills I purchased along with wine.

I cussed that bastard out, thought I could remain logical and appreciate and continue my friendship with him but it was not meant to be.

That type of suicide is easy to plan but takes a long time and I had the perfect Storm of conditions coming together to make my plan a success.

I was the right weight, had enough money to rent. A room, everything was perfect but my stupid fucking self had to go and

Self sabotage.

Today, I can't find a job that would give me the same as my previous salary much less expecting a hike. 

I think my only option. Remains to take up fucking something that generates a bit of income and savings after giving most of it all to my father.

Then I rent a room.

I measured the travel expenses.

I plan around what to say at home to justify a couple nights away

But all the booze.. wine is easiest.

Week after week of securing meds from different pharmacies.

Anti emetics

I have to reduce my weight. 

Then shut off my phone.